Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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