i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize