Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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