I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
