Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
