When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
