I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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