Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
