Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
