I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Randomize