How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
