I didn't shave. On purpose
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
