he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
