Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
