WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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