home. puking in laundry basket.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize