The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
