Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
