we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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