I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
