my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
