Plan B is the new Plan A
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
