If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
