party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So. Much. Porn.
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