why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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