no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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