the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
