have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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