i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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