its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
