Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
