I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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