I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
