i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
