So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
