the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
