How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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