Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
