There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
