exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
