So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
