Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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