this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
