theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
