omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
