I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
