you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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