I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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