i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
