Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
