She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
