I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
zippers are such a cool invention
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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