Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
