Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
