filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
