I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
