I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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