Swine flu. Run for my life!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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