why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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