Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
