You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
