Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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