I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
