i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
