On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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