You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize