no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
